2018 Winter Olympics – World News With Cats


Welcome to World News With Cats. I’m Tim. The Winter Olympics have begun in Seoul, Korea. Let’s cross to Shelter Cat at the opening night fireworks. North Korea is participating in this year’s games. The nation has been welcomed back into the Olympic association after curbing illegal activities such as cyber hacking. As the official games representatives for the Cat Press, the Koreans have even been kind enough to send us these new fancy headsets. (Kim Jong Un speaking Korean) Shelter Cat! The benevolent and omnipotent nation of North Korea is expected to triumph in the battle— correction… games, squashing its opponents to enjoy a prodigious victory in downhill skiing, cross-country skiing, and discus. Discus is a summer sport. It’s not just the North Koreans. Due to improved behaviour, cats have also been allowed to compete in this year’s games. They are expected to excel at diagonal running, and passive aggressive shotput. A human being has refused entry to a cat, after it tried to re-enter and leave their home for the twenty-fourth time in a span of ten minutes. And now a word from our sponsor. Human Product Intro De-sexing your cat, also known as having ones balls chopped off, is cruel. That’s why we’ve worked hard with the Testicular Relocation Society, to create a product that prevents unwanted feline pregnancy, but without the mess that comes with a pair of scissors and an elastic band. We call this product: Radioactive Undies. Those are some sexy undies. This are actually terribly uncomfortable. That’s what makes them so effective! And for even faster results try our latest model: the Multi-Phone Radioactive Undies Three-Thousand. Expedito the process by having your friends call often. There’ll be so much radiation! And now for our final story. North Korea is the best! Shelter, give me— No! No! Noooooo!

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