Bloomberg’s Bucks, Buttigieg’s Beef, and Biden’s Bite | The Daily Show


There are now just 336 days until the 2020
presidential election, and although the Democrats
still don’t know who their contender will be, they do know
who their contender won’t be. Joe Sestak and Steve Bullock have announced that they’re both
dropping out of the race. And I know, this is huge. -(laughter)
-Yeah. ‘Cause now it means
all the other Democrats can pick up their supporter. -(laughter) -But… even
with those two dropping out, there are still 16 candidates
left in this race. Because, you see,
every time a Democrat quits, more Democrats jump in. Yeah. Getting rid
of Democratic candidates is like shaving
an old man’s back hair. -It grows back twice as thick.
-(laughter, groans) I owed someone money.
It was a thing. And the newest hair on the back
of the Democratic primary is none other
than Michael Bloomberg, for… former mayor of New York and world’s richest
Lord of the Rings extra. -(laughter) -After entering
the race only last week, he’s already making
a big impression. There’s another big shake-up
this morning in the Democratic
presidential race. After months of speculation,
former New York mayor and billionaire Michael
Bloomberg made it official over the weekend he has thrown
his hat into the 2020 race. NEWSWOMAN:
After months of speculation, the former New York mayor
announcing his candidacy in a video Sunday, a part of a $35 million
media blitz. NEWSMAN:
He launched his campaign with the single largest
political advertising buy in U.S. history,
spending more than $30 million on ads that touted his record
as mayor of New York. Wow. Michael Bloomberg
has already bought more TV ads in one week
than anyone in history. I guess those are the perks
of being a billionaire. But he’s got to be careful–
because TV ads are a great way for getting noticed,
but too many TV ads can turn people against you. Yeah. Like the first time
I saw that Kars4Kids ad, I thought it was cute. And now my life’s mission is to destroy that organization. Every day:
♪ K-A-S-S, Kars4Kids ♪ ♪ K-A… ♪ (screams) I mean, don’t get me wrong,
it’s a good idea– kids should be given cars–
but it’s on TV all the time! And that’s what could happen
with Bloomberg, ’cause $30 million– like, if you were in one of
the states that he’s flooding with the ads, that’s all
you’re gonna see on TV. “Hi. I’m Michael Bloomberg.”
Change the channel. “It’s still me, Michael
Bloomberg.” Change the channel. “There’s something new
this month at Subway. -It’s me, Michael Bloomberg.”
-(laughter) So, while Bloomberg
is making news for how much
he’s spending on ads, Pete Buttigieg,
mayor of South Bend, Indiana, and kid who always asks
for more homework, is getting attention
for what he’s saying in his ads. Pete Buttigieg has a new kind of
position or an ad this weekend that was airing in Iowa about,
um, about education. Listen. I believe we should move to make college affordable
for everybody. There are some voices saying,
“Well, that doesn’t count “unless you go even further,
unless it’s free even for the kids
of millionaires.” But I only want to make promises
that we can keep. NEWSWOMAN:
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, a Bernie Sanders supporter, slamming the new
Iowa frontrunner, tweeting: Ooh… Pete, you in trouble. This is an interesting one.
Pete Buttigieg says that he supports
free public college, but it shouldn’t apply
to rich people’s kids. And in response,
rich people said, “What the (bleep)
is a public college? Is that like a public toilet?
I think I’ve heard of those.” No, but jokes aside, like, this ad is getting
a lot of backlash, right? Because Buttigieg
has basically drawn criticism from the progressive wing
of his party, because, they argue, if the
government provides a service, the service should be available
to all of its citizens. Right? It’s the same way
a public library doesn’t ask how rich you are before they let you in
to masturbate. It’s a public library.
Everyone can masturbate. That’s what it’s there for. Now, despite the backlash,
Buttigieg’s campaign is still steadily on the rise. Meanwhile,
Kamala Harris’s campaign is headed
in the opposite direction. NEWSWOMAN:
While campaigning here, too, Senator Kamala Harris
presenting herself as a choice
to beat President Trump. The New York Times reports
her campaign is in turmoil, obtaining a resignation letter
from a top Harris aide who wrote: That aide,
according to the Times, jumping onto
Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s team. Bloomberg! I guess those ads worked
on one person. But yes, Kamala Harris’s
campaign is struggling, and some say, uh, it’s because she doesn’t have
a clear message. Others say it’s because
she put her sister in charge of the campaign.
And that makes sense. You should never mix business
and family unless you’re a plumber, in which case
you have to involve family. Yeah, here’s a little tip
for you guys. If a plumbing company name
doesn’t end in “and sons” or “and brothers,”
you can’t trust them. Something bad happened
in that family. You stay away. (laughter) Now, there is one Democrat who seems immune
to campaign gaffes, and that’s Joe Biden. He’s still the favorite
nationally, and he’s even bought himself
a sweet new ride. NEWSWOMAN: Today in Iowa,
the Joe Biden campaign bus on an eight-day, 18-county tour
of the first caucus state trying to rev up
his lagging poll numbers. His new ride branded
in Biden speak as the “No Malarkey” tour, he says,
to contrast President Trump. He is calling it
the “No Malarkey” bus tour. NEWSWOMAN 2: The bus tour comes
as Joe Biden went viral this weekend
when he was caught nibbling on his wife Jill’s finger
onstage during a campaign stop. Joe, no! No, Joe! Bad Joe! No biting. Don’t make me get
the spray bottle, Joe. Stop that! Look, I actually…
I actually think this was a cute moment
between a couple, all right? But… but it would be cuter
if it was at home instead of in the middle
of a rally. That makes it
a little bit weird. Like, nibbling
your wife’s fingers. It’s all about context. And also,
i-is Joe Biden’s slogan really gonna be “no malarkey”? That’s your slogan? “Yes, we can.” “Make America great again.” “No malarkey”? (laughter) What does that word even mean? Like, it sounds like the dish your vegan cousin serves
at Thanksgiving, you know? “It’s not turkey. It’s malarkey. “The main ingredient is mold. Namaste.”

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