EXCLUSIVE: The Boars Are Coming For Us – A SPECIAL NEWS


Hello everyone, how are you? Are y-you news? I’m news So let’s news. An Ohio man was forced to call the police after being followed home by a wayward Pig While initially assuming it was a drunken prank, the cops were able to arrest and return this wine to its rightful owner. That’s fun, right? Not all Trump and Nazis at some more news. Perhaps this is a YouTube video You can share with your mother. And in other news wild boars are trying to kill your mother This story from Ohio isn’t just indicative of a growing feral pig problem in that state, but of the United States as seen on this map between 1982 and 2017 the u.s Feral pig population is nearly doubled to over 6 million and growing. That’s roughly the population of Los Angeles and Chicago combined There are more boar in the US than there are Norwegians in Norway and look if you if you know this show you might also know that there was an earlier but legally distinct version of this show where I might have implied that a radioactive teleporting boar was F***ing its way across Europe and creating an army of super boar slowly but steadily taking over the planet and And while I could go back and recap all the earlier evidence of this Such as the time a boar erupted from the Baltic Sea and started bullying beachgoers I’d rather show you all the examples of boar attacks that have happened since making the original video in 2017 So let’s go to the timeline April 25th 2017 in Iraq a herd of stampeding boar trample and kill three Islamic state militants. Oh, did I say kill? I meant to say seriously they fucking killed them June 24th 2017 Hong Kong two men including one police officer are hospitalized after attempting to subdue a wild boar in a park and speaking of parks and horror on July 1st 2017 in Singapore a woman needed 60 stitches after being impaled by a boars tusks while enjoying a quiet day at the Windsor Nature Park on October 17 2017 the small city of Hyde Germany was terrorized by a pair of male and female wild boars Presumably swine lovers who injured four people before the man pig was shot and killed by a local hunter The lady boar managed to escape the gunfire and there’s no doubt plotting to reciprocate this very second On to December 4th 2017 in Germany where a hunter was mauled and killed by a wild boar police Say the murderous pigs whereabouts are unknown, but added that it could be in your house possibly waiting in your shower right now December 6th two days later 2017 a school at Higashiyama. Japan goes on lockdown after a swine beast goes boar sh*t in its hallways January 4th 2018 yet another school boaring, this time in Italy injuring one person January 11th 2018 England a man takes his dog for a morning walk Only to be randomly ambushed by a wild boar who bites his finger off for no reason February 2nd 2018 Shanxi Province in China a wild boar murders a man to death while another person Desperately tries to save him by beating the boar with a shovel. It was all captured on security camera footage that to be honest I’m not entirely comfortable sharing with you February (mutters) just hold on a second February 13th 2018 video emerges of a wild boar the size of a fucking bear Rummaging through a dumpster in what has been presumed to be China because it wasn’t enough that boars are raged fuelled locomotives of mangled slaughter they also need to be king-sized and Finally, March 14 2018 in Hong Kong a boar was spotted swimming in the middle of Victoria Harbour like the Loch Ness
monster How did it get there probably teleportation? you know the part where people f***ing died? Well, The ante has been upped in the war between man and swine and in order to level the playing field this particular news Dude would like to discover three things Where did they come from? What do they want from us? What can we do to stop them? Now, we’ve been doing extensive research to find answers to all of this So let’s start with that first question Where did they come from? Nazis! Nazis? seriously, it’s Yeah, all right. Nazis, I guess, which I, I know I said I wasn’t going to talk about, but this is specifically Cow Nazis Okay, so, so this is Just one of several theories, but back during that other period of time when Nazis were growing in power, Two brothers named Lutz and Heinz Heck began experimenting with breeding super cows. A bovine master race, if you will, and Uddermencsch and so naturally by the 1930s the hex cattle work attracted a third reich who began funding the experiments and even appointed Lutz to their forest authority where he branched out to other farm animals, you know, like uh, boar Anyway, while most of the experiments were lost to the war, the hex Nazi cows are not only still around today but extremely aggressive animals. if I was standing here, uh, and, and, some of the more aggressive ones were in this field and They could see me then. He would come right across the there and try and kill you. So theory number one Is that this boar, this boar Teleporting across Europe and feeding off of radioactive energy, is some kind of former Nazi experiment that escaped
during the bombings Second theory. Now, Hear me out between May 28 and October 7th of 1957. The United States government tested nuclear bombs on nearly 1,200 pigs, they literally just took a bunch of swine, brought them to Nevada packed them in some metal tubes and Just, just, nuked them, with, with nuclear weapons 135 pigs in aluminum containers for protection against blast and thermal were exposed to the Franklin shot to determine the effects of combined Neutron and gamma radiation and Straight gamma it was called Operation plumb bob and was considered one of the most controversial nuclear tests due to the high levels of radiation to which people were exposed But what of these pigs? is it possible one survived only to gain some kind of special hog power? There are all kinds of scientific studies on the effects of low-level radiation on various animals. And guess what? It’s not all bad And in fact has produced certain healing properties in mice and sure while it’s true that mice does not equal bore I’d like to call your attention to pig 311 a bore alike creature that managed to miraculously survive the goddamn bikini Atoll tests out of 3352 other animals her medical records were dubbed a military secret before she moved on to live a full life the Smithsonian’s National Zoo Later, her nuclear survival would be deemed a hoax by the newspapers because that’s certainly not a cover-up Come on, sheep people, you, you sheep, you sheeple You human, you shoe, you human sheep hybrids, you, some combination of sheep and a person I don’t know. But if there is a teleporting board dicking around the world spreading his or her cum, you damn Well know the government not only knows about it, but probably caused it But whichever Theory you subscribe to there’s a more important question to be answered. What do they want from us? Well for starters are sweet radiation Obviously remember how I said that the feral pig population is doubled in the US since 1982 Well guess what else has doubled during that time? nuclear power plant construction these goddamn animals love our radiation in Sweden wild boars are gobbling up nuclear mushrooms like they’re… mushrooms Radioactive boar are thriving in both Fukushima and Chernobyl and one study has even found that the presence of high-radiation Also known as the lack of humans actually helps these animals flourish It’s exactly like Planet of the Apes But Bor we humans used radiation to test all sorts of terrible things on pigs and now it’s that same radiation That’s killing us while the pigs take over and they are Taking over a recent report by The Washington Post found that as Japan’s aged population’s been dying off They are being replaced slowly by packs of wild boar as in wild boar are literally Taking over Japan. It’s the perfect storm you guys as Climate change makes the country more habitable for swine the Fukushima disaster Created an unpopulated haven for them to flourish and since there’s already a dwindling population problem It’s a simple matter of people slowly dying out while boar Aggressively move in and you know, what else will dwindle a population? Infertility caused by radiation the kind of radiation you’d be exposed to from one of these blood-hungry squeal hounds Galloping out of the bushes to throttle you and your newborn, baby This is a real threat people they are literally bursting from the ocean and replacing us and if you think I’m Anthropomorphize in the ire of this boar brother and a little too much Keep in mind that not only do pigs have a surprisingly advanced communication system They use to convey warnings and even feelings to one another but they’re also emotionally and cognitively complex Creatures to the point where scientists have labeled them as sentient. That’s right. They have the best words and a very good brain Wouldn’t it make sense that they might be able to pass on hold a species wide grudge for the torment of mankind? What good are we to this corkscrew tailed horde as anything but a target for Revolution? and that brings us to the most important question of all what can we do to stop them? So here in the States, the people tasked with taking on our big hog debacle is the USDA’s Animal and Plant Health Inspection Service Which has recently experimented with toxic bait in the hopes It will quell the borer onslaught However is being America in 2018 there Of course one setback in the form of massive Drumpf budget cuts and horrendous mismanagement from the Drumpf administration Because this perfectly good news story about a radioactive hog Pocalypse is of course somehow going to involve Donald Drumpf. I can’t get a fucking Moment It’s almost as if Drumpf is secretly aiding the Boer army for personal gain or maybe he’s just waiting to see who comes out on top before he swears allegiance who can say meanwhile in Japan They took a different approach and built a robot wolf Wait is that What wolves look like in Japan? What is the radiation done to this country? This is madness. Is there some like simpler non robotic way we can use science to our advantage w-w-wha, no, that, why, wha-, if you isolate their brains that will just piss them off more and I seriously Can’t stress enough that pigs have the ability to warn others when they are in distress Yes even disembodied pig brains If headlines like these are any indication fans in Ukraine have been given a chance to meet a psychic Pig who will be giving daily forecasts throughout the tournament They reckon he has a nose for predicting winners Psychic fucking pigs you guys a pig that if you notice the news story is from Kiev Which is right next to Chernobyl like they are they’re still eating fucking radioactive food there. Fuck. I- Maybe it’s because I’ve been awake for 63 hours, but I can’t help but feel like I’m spinning my wheels here It seems like no one is taking this problem seriously and offering any kind of practical solution Do we have any other scrap of hope here? Oh Okay So so Denmark is building a 44-mile wall to keep Boar out and, that, it seems like it could work. So I guess let’s build a wall like Like like a big wall To keep these animals from hurting us and replacing us and make America like it was before in the 80s that wou-, that would work r-right like I’m Provided talking about like animals and not a group of people were dehumanizing for some kind of political distraction, but that would That would be pretty shitty, but this This is good So mostly just pictures of Hitler Hey everybody, thank you for watching whatever that video was. I know you liked it So prove it by clicking the like button and subscribing to our Channel and leaving a comment That’s nice and also good or patreon.com slash some more news if you’d like to support us and listen to our podcast even more news to do the same thing and

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  1. I like to think that this is Cody cracking from a heavy week. He lets all of this out, exhales, and then wades back into the shitshow that is reality.

  2. I take this seriously. The feral swine epidemic is a real danger to wildlife, ecosystems, agriculture, and evidently humans. Look how many officers are in the video trying to subdue only 2 of them! Frickin riot shields!!!
    I also am fully willing to join a band of Anti-Feral Pig Warriors to aid in eradicating them…
    These are an Invasive Species, so i have no remorse as i would for say Bears, Cougars, or Wolves. Also, the Peccaries or Javalinas ARE NOT FERAL PIGS. They are members of a different family and are endemic to North America. People must differentiate between the two so as to not eradicate yet another native species.
    Please inform me of any bounties in North America for Razorbacks.
    Thank you!

  3. I can't be the only person who removed my glasses, backed up the video, and slowed it to .25x to see the bear sized board better… holy shit… thumbs up if a similar reaction đŸ˜±

  4. I can't even tell what boars are a metaphor for here. Are they the alt right? Immigrants? Is this sincere? How does radiation factor into the analogy? Is this just supposed to be a break for some comedy? Is it a satire of fearmongering? That sounds the closest, actually, so I'll go with that.

  5. The real question is : should we stop them ? I'm getting some Princess mononoke vibes from this story (can't say why), maybe we should look at those pigs with eyes unclouded by hate…

  6. This is the least we'll researched of the "some more news" that I have seen. Wild boar have always been aggressive- i.e. razerbacks. And everyone knows they are smart . Solution: Cory can lasso them with that tie and save us all.

  7. CBC.ca: As wild pigs spread, Ontario braces for an 'ecological trainwreck'.
    https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/ottawa/animals-wild-boar-wild-pigs-farmers-livestock-1.5209846
    The invasion is spreading!

  8. I like how the natural boar analogue of "Planet of the Apes" is not "Planet of the Boars," but "Boar of the Apes."

  9. I have watched this video two dozen times. Not in one sitting, but when I feel the weight of life bearing down on me, I return to this video to be reminded the hogpocalypse is very f**king nigh. Thank you.

  10. im from berlin and my parents live on the outskirt of town and let me tell you… yes, theres boars. tons of them. my parents used to have a really huge herding dog who didnt like threats to his "herd" and would go fucking bonkers whenever he could smell them being close. there was one particular night walk (they go late at night so my dad can let the dog go unleashed) where the dog just bolted into the woods, presumably to chase the pigs, only to come running back out with two of them hot on his heals. so my dad and the dog had to run and my dad ended up jumping over some stranger's garden fence to get out of the boars' way. the dog made it all the way home and jumped over the fence there. my dad waited about 20min in the strangers' garden until he dared to let himself out and go back home.
    nobody was seriously injured, but a few weeks later our dog retaliated the disgrace of fleeing from a bunch of pigs by killing two of their youngs. needless to say theyll be coming for us. our dog died under mysterious circumstances last fall. theyve changed tactics, it seems. now that their biggest threat is gone, its only a matter of time until they make my dad lose his job, burn our house down and spirit my sister away to the forest kingdom for a ritual sacrifice or something.

  11. Dr. Jan Ć»abiƄski (Johan Heldenbergh) is director of the Warsaw Zoo, one of the largest in 1930s Europe, assisted by his wife, Antonina (Jessica Chastain).

    On September 1, 1939, the aerial bombardment of Warsaw and Invasion of Poland commences. Antonina and her son Ryszard (Timothy Radford and later, Val Maloku) barely survive. As Polish resistance collapses, Dr. Lutz Heck (Daniel BrĂŒhl), head of the Berlin Zoo and Adolf Hitler's chief zoologist and Jan's professional rival, visits the zoo while Jan is away. He offers to house the prized animals until after the war, later returning with Nazi soldiers to shoot the rest. He develops a romantic interest in Antonina.

    The Jews of Warsaw are forced into the Ghetto. The Ć»abiƄskis‘ Jewish friends, Maurycy Fraenkel (Iddo Goldberg) and his partner Magda Gross (Efrat Dor), seek a safe place for a friend's insect collection. Antonina offers to shelter Magda. Knowing they can be executed for helping Jews, Jan and Antonina decide to use the zoo to save more lives.

    They seek out Heck to propose turning the abandoned zoo into a pig farm to feed the German occupying forces, secretly hoping to bring food to the Ghetto. Heck, in need of a new site for his experiments in recreating aurochs as a symbol of the Reich,[Note 2] agrees.

    Jan collects garbage from the Ghetto for the pigs and sees Jews starving. He begins working with the Underground Army to transport Jews to safehouses throughout the country. Jews are hidden in the zoo’s cages, tunnels, and inside the Ć»abiƄskis’ house. After some trepidation, Antonina agrees to help.

    The Ć»abiƄskis continue smuggling Jews out of the Ghetto. In 1942, the Germans begin deporting Jews to death camps. Jan has no choice but to help load them into cattle cars under the Germans' watch.

    In 1943, two women rescued by Jan and disguised as Aryans by Antonina are executed in a Warsaw street. Several months later, after a failed uprising, the Germans plan to liquidate the Ghetto on Hitler's birthday, also the first night of Passover. While the hidden Jews mournfully celebrate a secret Passover Seder, the Germans burn the Ghetto, killing those inside.

    Several months later, Antonina gives birth to a baby girl, whom Ryszard names Teresa. As Heck's attraction to Antonina intensifies, she struggles to fend him off while guarding the secret "guests." Jan participates in the Warsaw uprising and is captured; Antonina fears him dead.

    In January 1945, as Soviet troops force the Germans to retreat, the enemy begins evacuating Warsaw. Antonina seeks Heck's help to find Jan, but he refuses and accuses her of resistance activity, attacking her in a sexual rage. She confesses that he repulses her, and Heck realizes she has duped him. Antonina helps her guests escape. Magda takes baby Teresa with her as Antonina hides Ryszard in the basement. Heck arrives in a fury with his men, discovering the secret drawings on the basement walls: Stars of David, dates, and guests drawn with animal faces.

    Heck threatens to shoot Ryszard, ignoring Antonina’s pleas as he drags her son away. A shot rings out and Antonina collapses. Ryszard returns unharmed, and Heck leaves the zoo for good. Antonina and Ryszard join the march out of Warsaw, bringing a rabbit and one of Heck's young bison. As they leave their home and the city is liberated, they release the bison into the woods.

    Four months after the Nazi surrender, Warsaw begins rebuilding. Antonina, Ryszard and baby Teresa return to find the damaged zoo still standing, along with Jerzyk, their loyal zookeeper. Jan returns home, having survived a prison camp.

    In the film's final moment, the Ć»abiƄskis paint Stars of David on all the cages in the zoo.

    An epilogue reveals that the Ć»abiƄskis saved 300 people. Lutz Heck returned to Berlin, where his zoo was destroyed by Allied bombings, and his efforts to recreate aurochs failed. The Ć»abiƄskis were recognized by Israel (Yad Vashem) for their righteous acts and defiance against the Germans.[11] The Ć»abiƄskis rebuilt the Warsaw Zoo, which remains open to this day.

  12. No problem. My only slightly domesticated wild stallion would decimate the much less powerful wild boar. He can get a little bit aggressive about being hunted

  13. OMFG, suddenly everything makes sense – Boris Johnson, Donald Trump, Erdogan, Netanyahu, Putin, Duterte, Duda, Orban – they're all f#cking boars….

    Also, the fence at Denmarks southern border won't work – first of all, it doesn't cover all of the border, and boars can swim, and they can jump higher than the fence is…
    It's one big expensive "joke" – and of course, most of the people who want it has something else than boars on their mind….

  14. Newsman has gone too far with the sensational news coverage and distortion of the truth.
    I for one welcome our new boar overloads.

  15. Am… Am I the only one her re-watching after realizing how Cody tried to WARN US ALL about the 30 – 50 feral hogs ?!
    WHY HAVEN'T WE LISTENED?! How many children could have been saved if we only had listened and reacted in a 3 – 5 minutes time frame?!

  16. i clicked on this video thinking that it would have something to do with the recent boar meme on twitter and only figured out my mistake when he referred to 2018 as "the current year"
    remember kids: always check the timestamps

  17. This is hilarious, but vaguely inaccurate. We do not still eat radioactive food in Kyiv, the government and country are more effective (and less backward) than that, and such uninformed implications are bad for the country's international reputation. Just saying.

  18. Legit question for rural Americans – How do I kill the 30-50 feral hogs that run into my yard within 3-5 mins while my small kids play?

  19. Oh my god! What could you do if 30-50 feral hogs wandered into your back yard while your children were playing???

  20. Speaking as a biologist: Some of those boards were sows, though. 😛
    Seriously, if humans would stop covering every field in nutricious maize and piling up their household trash into great big heaps in the wilderness and around their cities, and if hunters stopped feeding deer during the winter to have more deer to hunt, the populations of deer and wild pigs wouldn't explode.

  21. 7:28 from the news article: "Pigs don't swim"
    What? They actually can swim pretty well. There's a whole island off the coast of Japan that is full of pigs, a tourist attraction, and many swim in the coastal waters out the arriving boats to greet the tourists (who feed them).

  22. Good news, Cody! A game dev is work shopping a solution to the boar problem. Their solution is Gun-Kata:

    https://youtu.be/-sq8vo_ZLFo

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