Hannah Brown Goes on a First Date with a Comedy Writer – Lights Out with David Spade


So, guys, one of our writers,
Bobby Miyamoto, needs some help dating,
so I chaperoned him on a mock date
with the famous Hannah B. -from The Bachelor,
-Nice. -Nice. Dancing with the Stars,
to practice, and it went… -pretty good.
-Okay. Okay, so, we’re here
with Bobby Miyamoto, one of our, uh,
mid-level, low-level writers, and lovely Hannah Brown. I like your sweaters. What’s that sweater made out of? It’s a very rare rayon blend. -Oh.
-I got it at Marshalls. One sleeve’s longer than
the other, but I roll it up. -Is that three for ten dollars?
-Yeah. -Nice. -So, tell me
a little bit about yourself. I… played soccer
in junior college. I don’t want to brag, but…
bit of an athlete. -Really?
-Second team all-conference. Usually gets
a little more reaction, but… I like soccer. But talking about it
for 45 minutes is… it’s too much. Tell her about your trip skiing. Oh, yeah. I went to Aspen
over New Year’s Eve. I had fun.
More fun than the last time, ’cause the last time I went,
I had a stroke. SPADE:
Yeah. -How soon should I bring up
the stroke? -I think later. And I’ve recovered,
I would say… physically, completely fine; mentally… I would say I’m there,
except I had some brain damage. But other than that, I’m good. Doctor said if I have
another one, it’s done-zo. -(laughs) -Didn’t you work
in interior design? -Yeah. -You know, maybe you
could come by the Valley and spruce up
my one-bedroom apartment? I’m going for, like,
minimalist Target feel. -Maybe start with a little IKEA?
-Yeah, a little bit. -Yeah! -Oh, okay. -I don’t like put…
putting it together. So you want me
to put it together? Yeah, you can do it. I’ll
throw you an extra fiver for it. -An extra fiver?
-Yeah. How much do you charge an hour? -Excuse me?
-For designs. -Oh.
-Designs, yeah. And then I want to know
the other one. What else? There’s so many
things that I should tell you. I’m ambidextrous.
I can use chopsticks with both my left or my right. So if we go out to sushi,
wherever you want to sit, -I’m-I’m cool.
-Okay. -Yeah. -SPADE: Great.
I’m gonna jump in. Let’s put a pin in that
sushi-chopsticks story. I still have most of my hair. I have to give him some credit.
He is… very proud of his… minimal accomplishments. Would you date a bald guy? I think I made
one of my boyfriends go bald. I’m not kidding. It was cute, like, he had hair,
but then by the end, by the time we broke up,
he was… (laughs):
he was bald. Why? Do you think
you’re a witch or something? Bobby! Let’s…
let’s take a five here. Uh, this is going great. I’m gonna leave you two alone
for a second. Chat away.
(chuckles) You want to hear more about my junior college
soccer career? It’s hard for me
to eat and listen -at the same time, so…
-All right. I’ll wait
till you’re done eating. Okay.
I’m gonna jump back in. (laughs)
What’d I miss? Literally nothing,
it sounded like. Okay. Um… So, how many followers
do you have? I have, like, 2.6 million. -Wow.
-How many do you have? I have about 1,800. But together,
we’re, like, a power couple. I don’t want to date him
so much as I want to help him. You know? He’s like a kid
lost in the mall. He looks young for a stroke,
but he’s Asian. He could be anywhere
from 20 to 80? No one knows. -How old are you?
-47. -Okay.
-SPADE: Is that too old for you? I know I’m no spring chicken,
but the doctor said I’m in better shape
than most guys half my age. -But you had a stroke.
-Except I had a stroke, yeah. There’s always
that little asterisk. -But…
-Are you Japanese everywhere? On my mom’s side, I am. That’s not what she means,
dipshit. Tell her you got a hog. Oh, yeah. Can I steal you for a second? Oh, yeah, sure. Sorry. What the (bleep) is going on? That guy can steal? That guy’s trying
to mow my lawn. Oh, shit. Why don’t you go give him
a little karate. -Do you know karate?
-Why would I know karate? No reason. Finish your fake salad
and let’s get out of here. So, do you think you’d ever
go out with a guy like Bobby? I like edgy guys. I had a stroke. Yeah, I was thinking
more, like, tattoos. Well, sometimes I forget
to take my stroke medication. (laughter) (cheering and applause) It’s funny. Well, we’ve still got some work
to do with Bobby, but he’s, uh,
he’s getting some tips.

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