Honest Headlines


“HONEST HEADLINES.” THIS FIRST HEADLINE COMES FROM
“USA TODAY” AND IT READS: “NFL DRAFT PROSPECT SAYS A LOT
OF CHIPOTLE BURRITOS HELPED HIM GAIN WEIGHT.” THAT’S THE HEADLINE, BUT THE
HONEST HEADLINE IS: “MAN GAINS WEIGHT DESPITE
FREQUENT DIARRHEA.” HERE’S A HEADLINE FROM “TIME:”
“RIHANNA IS PHOTOSHOPPING QUEEN ELIZABETH’S HEAD ONTO HER BODY
AND THE INTERNET DOESN’T KNOW WHAT TO THINK.” THAT’S THE HEADLINE, BUT THE
HONEST HEADLINE IS: “RIHANNA HAS BETTER WEED THAN
US.” HERE’S A HEADLINE FROM “THE
DAILY MAIL.” THAT SAID
“REVEALED: HOW YOUR BAD BREATH, LOW SEX DRIVE AND HEADACHES
COULD BE A SIGN OF A VITAMIN DEFICIENCY.” THAT’S THE HEADLINE, BUT THE
HONEST HEADLINE IS: “YOU SUCK.” HERE’S ONE FROM THE “NEW YORK
POST:” “INCREDIBLY LOUD SEX INTERRUPTS
FLORIDA TENNIS MATCH.” THAT’S THE HEADLINE, BUT THE
HONEST HEADLINE IS: “TENNIS PLAYERS INTERRUPTED BY
PENNIS PLAYERS.” PENNIS PLAYERS. YOU KNOW HOW THIS WORKS WITH
THIS SEGMENT, RIGHT? WE HAVE WONDERFUL WRITERS ON THE
SHOW. THEY PROBABLY BRING, MAYBE, I
DON’T KNOW 100 — 100 HEADLINES WITH HONEST HEADLINES. THESE ARE THE BEST ONES. PENNIS PLAYERS MADE THE CUT. HERE’S A HEADLINE FROM YAHOO! IT READS:
“BETTER YOU THAN ME: TRUMP COMMENDS ASTRONAUTS FOR
CONVERTING URINE INTO DRINKING WATER.” THAT’S THE HEADLINE, BUT THE
HEADLINE SHOULD HAVE READ .. “READ THIS STORY ABOUT TRUMP AND
URINE.” NO, NOT THAT ONE. HERE’S A HEADLINE FROM AOL:
“GIRL WHO CHOKED ON QUARTER ATTEMPTING CHRIS ANGEL TRICK
MEETS MAGICIAN.” THAT’S THE HEADLINE. BUT THE HONEST HEADLINE IS:
“IDIOT REWARDED.” THAT WAS “HONEST HEADLINES.”
WE’LL BE RIDE BACK, EVERYBODY.

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Comments

  1. When ur a shawn mendes Stan and this came up to ur recommendations and u thought it was about him :/

  2. Foreal you american folks whats the best state to go on vacation to literally just to smoke weed legally, easily and as cheaply as possible? Peace from England yo

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