Only Connect, S13 E33. Detectives v Vikings. Victoria Coren Mitchell. BBC. 2 Apr 2018

Hello, and welcome to Only Connect,
the quiz that anyone can enter. Whether they’re a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess or
a criminal, it doesn’t matter. As long as they know which film
this intro is referencing, they’re welcome on the show. And welcome tonight
are, on my right, Ian King, a fund manager who spent three days stranded
in the Chilean Andes. Tim Harrison, an English graduate who ended his rugby career
by dislocating his shoulder during a vicious game of British Bulldogs. And their captain Tim Hall, a former pub landlord who’s on
a mission to try 365 different beers within one calendar year. United by a love of Lewis, they are the Detectives. Now, you lost to the Escapologists
and then you won against the Beaks, so this is your last chance to make
it through to the semifinals. What’s been the highlight
of your Only Connect experience? The most exciting bit
was definitely playing a tie-break in the last round. And
I say exciting in the same way as jumping out of a plane without
a parachute would be exciting. Tonight you are facing, on my left, Mark Oxley, a rock music fan who declined an invitation to attend
a party hosted by Motorhead because he had to catch
the last bus home. John Wilson, a former IT professional who owns 95% of
the number-one singles of the 1970s and 75% of the top 10 – catalogued, of course. And their captain Mick Lee, a chemical engineer and
bioplastics inventor who used to work as
a crisp packager. United by a yen for Jorvik, they are the Vikings. Now, you won against the Wanderers
but then lost to the Inquisitors, so this is your last chance to get
through to the semifinals as well. And what’s been the best bit
on your journey? It must be… It’s the people,
isn’t it? Everybody’s been lovely. No, the BEST bit. THEY LAUGH Detectives, you won the toss,
so you’ll be going first. Which hieroglyph would you like? Can we have Twisted Flax, please?
Yes, you can. Twisted Flax will be the first Round
One question of the match. What is the connection between
four apparently random clues? Here’s the first. THEY CONFER Next, please. OK, that’s a part of the… It was built… It was built for… Ah! They are named after football clubs
That’s… That’ll be Brian Clough Way. OK. Yeah. We think these roads were renamed
after football. Because they connect…
Renamed after precisely what? Stadiums.
I’m afraid that’s not the answer. So I’m going to show the next two
clues to the Vikings for a possible bonus point. They’ve been renamed after
football managers. Yes, I’m sorry, it is managers. That first one, I think you knew –
Brian Clough Way. But the second one, it’s named
after Jimmy Hill, Jimmy Hill Way it became in February 2017. He managed Coventry City, of course. And what’s Portman’s Walk,
Ipswich, 1999? That would be Bobby Robson Way…?
Um… Alf Ramsey, Sir Alf Ramsey,
who managed Ipswich Town. And the last one,
do you know, Warwick Road? Matt Busby Way.
Matt Busby Way, that’s right. Sir Matt Busby managed
Manchester United. So, yes, named after football, but not stadiums but managers. So you get a bonus point, Vikings,
and which question would you like? Lion, please. Lion. OK, what’s
the connection between these clues? Here’s the first. Uh… THEY CONFER “Collide” and “collude”, though… THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER Next, please. “Joist” and “joust”. Yeah, yeah. OK. So, different by one vowel,
in fact. Am I right? Yes. Yeah. Or it might be “I” replaced by “U”
as well. Yeah. Yeah. Um, so, if you were to alter the vowels in the first word, then you could get a synonym
for the second word. Again, I need to hear
something specific. “I” for “U”. If “I” were “U”… That’s right. If you take the “I” out of
the first word and make it a “U”, you get something
that means the second one. So collide becomes collude,
joist and joust, You didn’t need to see the lovely
combination of pint and river boat! Pint becomes punt. And a skink and black and white
animal would be skunk, of course. Well spotted. The word one after
just a couple of clues. Detectives, what would you like?
Can we have Horned Viper, please? Yes, you can. What is the connection
between these clues? Here’s the first. THEY CONFER Next, please. THEY CONFER Take another one? Yeah.
Next, please. THEY CONFER Just go next. Next, please. They’re gambling. Roulette…
Oh… THEY CONFER Two seconds. They’re the English translations
of games of chance. I need to hear one more thing.
Casino games. Well, I’ll take it, cos you were
a bit unlucky on the football and I was mean there. They are,
but they’re all translations of a particular language.
Which language? French. French, exactly so. So, railway would be…?
Chemin de fer. Lonely? Uh… It’s not solo, is it? Solitaire. Solitaire.
Little wheel, roulette, of course. And 21, vingt-et-un,
pontoon or blackjack. They are translations of
the French card games. Well done. Vikings, what would you like?
Two Reeds, please. Two Reeds. OK. These are going to be picture clues.
What do they have in common? Here’s the first. That’s a… What’s it called?
It’s a drum.. THEY CONFER Next, please. That is… Is that Aden? No, that’s in… We need the next…
Oh, if that’s Burundi, then… We need a next. Next, please. Oh… Yes, that was the remake of…
It’s not the… It’s the remake of…
Two seconds. Next, please. Oh, I’m afraid the time is up. So, another bonus chance for you,
Detectives. They all begin DJ. They all begin DJ.
What are we looking at? Novak Djokovic. That’s right. And the Return of Django. The country’s Djibouti. And it is a djembe? It is a djembe.
Very well done. That third one is Jamie Foxx
in Django Unchained. Django Unchained. Well done, you get
the bonus, Detectives. What would you like for yourselves? Can we have…Eye of Horus, please?
Yes, you can. Still no musical note. That’s lurking for you
at the bottom of the barrel. This is not the music question,
but it is a question,, and the first clue is coming
in…now. Next, please. He’s a boxer. Is he? Yeah, he was a heavyweight champion
and he went up through the weights, he was a champion at multiple
weights. Next one? Yeah. Next, please. Oh, I think they all have
Russian citizenship. Shall we go for it? Yeah. We think these people have all taken
Russian citizenship. All Russian citizens.
Very well done. Didn’t need to see Gerard Depardieu,
who moved to Russia after the French Government criticised him
for moving abroad to avoid taxes. Who are the first two people?
Roy Jones Jr was a boxer. He won titles at several weights.
But we have no idea who Vic Wild is. He was a snowboarder, a snowboarder
who couldn’t get funding. All Russian citizens. Well done. Vikings, back to you
for the Water question. CHIMING
Oh, it’s the music question! You’ll be hearing your clues,
and the first one is coming in now. CLASSIC PIANO MUSIC PLAYS THEY CONFER Next, please. MOTOWN MUSIC PLAYS # Into each heart… Oh…!
# Some tears must fall # Though you love and lose… # We need another, don’t we? Yeah…
Oh, wait, no. Um… Yeah, I think… Next, please. OPERATIC MUSIC That’s The Three Tenors. It’s all
threes. So it’s… three… Three seconds. They are all by
the three somethings. They are not all by
the three somethings, so I’m going to have a blast of
the fourth clue for the Detectives. # By a shady-wady pool Shangri-La, really la! # I’m wishing I could be that kind
of fool… # Do you have an answer?
Is it all about bodies of water? I need to hear something
very specific. Uh… Fools? It’s fish. You’re very close again,
but for a bonus point, I need something very specific. That first one, the Debussy
Poisson d’or, Golden Fish. Second one, the Marvelettes,
Too Many Fish In The Sea. Metaphorical bodies of water there.
Do you know the third? That’s Pearl Fishers.
Yes, Bizet, Pearl Fishers. And the last one, Gone Fishin’ by
the wonderful Bing Crosby and Louis Armstrong. Fish was the connection. That means, at the end of Round One,
that the Vikings have four points, and the Detectives have four points. We’re onto Round Two,
the sequences round. Detectives, you’ll be going first
this time. Which hieroglyph would you like? Can we have Lion, please?
Yes, you can. You are going to see
the first in a sequence. What would you expect to come
fourth? Time starts now. THEY CONFER Next, please. This is The Guardian, I think. THEY CONFER Shall we take the next points? Yeah. Next, please. Is that them?
No, I don’t think that is. Should we go for News International?
Try that? We’ll try News International. Is the right answer.
We’ve got News UK. I’m surprised. What do you think the sequence is?
I got it wrong. I thought the Astor family owned
The Guardian, but it’s The Times’ owners,
isn’t it? It’s The Times. Yes, it’s The Scott
Trust that owns the Guardian. These are successive owners of The
Times, and Lord Northcliffe, a confusing clue, because he also
started the Daily Mail. Bought by the Astor family,
then Roy Thompson and News International,
now called News UK. Well done. Vikings, what would you like?
Water, please. Water. OK. What would come fourth in this
sequence? Here’s the first. Could be any kind of sport.
Next, please. OK, could be anything. Uh.. We need next, don’t we?
We do. Next, please. Um, right… Panama was where Scotland
tried to make the big… THEY CONFER
Yeah, true. OK, so it’s a one… Is it highest…?
Could it be highest cap…? No, Panama’s got the lowest. Who’s got lowest capital?
Two seconds. One, Seychelles.
And why would that be? Um, because we’re really hanging
a lantern on this. We’re hoping that it’s
the country with the lowest capital
in terms of altitude. Oh, no, no, no, that wouldn’t be
a sequence, although I’m “really hanging
a lantern on this”?! Yeah. You really speak like a poet.
I love the way you speak. Unfortunately, you didn’t speak
your way to the right answer, so, Detectives, you’ve got
the chance of a bonus point. We will hang a lantern
on one, Morocco. Morocco is an acceptable answer.
And why? They’ve got that number of stars
on their flag. That’s exactly right,
four, three, two, one stars. We wrote Vietnam,
but there are plenty of them. Can you name me any others that have
one star on the flag? Is Ghana one? Yes. Turkey. Turkey, yes. I mean, there’s so many I’m having
trouble finding them on the list. One of them has already appeared
in this quiz. Djibouti. Djibouti’s only got one. So, you get the bonus, Detectives,
and which question? Can we have Two Reeds, please?
Yes, you can. What will come fourth in
this sequence? Here’s the first. THEY CONFER Next, please. That’s the start of the millennium.
It’s not. Hang on… Next, please. Because 9×9 is 81.
1×1 is 01. 2×2 is 04. So… THEY CONFER ..3rd March 2009. 3rd March 2009. Really well done.
That is next in the sequence. What’s happening? You multiply the first one by
the number of the month in the year and you get the last two digits
of the year. That’s right. They’re what you might
call square root days. So 9th September 1981, you might
write as 9-9-81, like a sum. 1-1-01. 2-2-04. And then we want to know, going
forward through the calendar, what is the next time the date is a
square root, and it will be 3-3-09. Very good quizzing. Back to you, Vikings, for a choice.
Eye of Horace, please. The Eye of Horus. OK, these are
going to be picture clues. What would you expect to see in the
fourth picture? Here’s the first. I feel like I recognise him.
Not sure. Yeah. Next, please. Abraham Lincoln. Right… Abraham… Is that…? Yeah, next, please. Acker Bilk. Lincoln, Bilk… AB.. Oh, AB, AC… THEY SPEAK OVER EACH OTHER So AD somebody. Adele, the singer? THEY CONFER That’s what we’ve got. Um… Adele. Is exactly the answer we chose
ourselves. Very well done. Could have had Adamski,
although I’d have been so amazed if you’d picked that
instead of Adele. What is the sequence? No idea who your first lad is,
but he is AA something. Must be Aaron somebody. It’s Aaron Sorkin, the writer,
the TV writer. Wrote The West Wing and so on. Abraham Lincoln, AB,
and Acker Bilk, AC. So we wanted somebody AD. That’s right. It’s the beginning of
their first names. AA, AB, AC and then we want someone
with AD. Back to you, Detectives. What would
you like? Twisted Flax, please. The Twisted Flax. OK, what would
come fourth in this sequence? Here’s the first. THEY CONFER Next, please. THEY CONFER Oh, hang on. This is athletics. THEY CONFER Have another one and we’ll see
what we get. Next, please. Beamon. THEY CONFER Is it Powell? Yes, it is. And why? It’s the world long jump record
in succession. That’s exactly right. Can you tell me the first names
of these jumpers? There’s Bob Beamon. Mm-hm. And is it Ralph Boston?
Ralph Boston. And I don’t know. Please say the second one
so I don’t have to. Ter-Ovanes… I have no idea
who that is. Igor. Igor Ter-Ovanesyan. And Mike Powell. Why would I have gloomily accepted
the answer Carl Lewis? Did he equal Bob Beamon’s record? He would be next if the sequence was
the longest jumps. Carl Lewis was never given the world
record because it was wind assisted. When the wind is at a certain level,
you don’t get the world record. So if you’d said Carl Lewis and then
you hadn’t mentioned world records but said it’s the longest jumps,
Lewis would be acceptable. But Powell is the perfect answer,
so well done. And back to you, Vikings, for
the last question of the round – the Horned Viper. What would come
fourth in this sequence? Here’s the first. It’s got to be next, hasn’t it?
Next, please. THEY CONFER Next, please. Oh, it’ll be 18, won’t it?
Yes, so it’s the highest rating. Yeah, let’s go with that. 18. Not the answer, I’m afraid. Detectives, do you want to have a go
for a bonus? Is it R? I’m afraid that’s not it either. But together, you got the answer,
which is R18, or restricted 18. I think you know this is to do with
BBFC certificates for films, but the sequence is
the highest possible certificate. So there was once just A, for adult,
and that was replaced after the release of Frankenstein
in 1932 with Horrific. But then X was brought in over
the head of Horrific, as it were, so X was the highest. And when the 18 certificate came in,
the highest one was R18. Right. So we were probably more used to AA
becoming 15 and then 18 and so on, but apparently
at special cinemas you’ve also got R18, which was a warning that
it was especially rude. Or a promise, rather than a warning,
depending on your view. That means that at the end
of Round Two, the Vikings have six points, the Detectives have 11. Time now for the Connecting Wall.
16 jumbled-up clues that need sorting into four connected
groups of four. You’ll be going first this time,
Vikings. Would you like Lion or Water? Water, please. OK. You have two and a half minutes to
solve the Water wall, starting now. Xebec was a… Ketch is, like, a sailing thing?
Clipper is as well. Ketch, clipper, junk… Um, oh, Chris Hoy, Chris Evert… Boat… Caravel is, yeah. BUZZ Go Chris Hoy, Chris Evert, Chris Rock, Chris Pine. It must be another one. Chrises… Chris Jericho, I feel like. Yeah. BUZZ BUZZ OK it’s probably loads of Chrises. Go ahead. Miss out Pine. OK. With Jericho. Yeah, OK, I think we can leave
that one. Go ahead. Junk, clipper… Junk, clipper… Ketch. Ketch. Try hoy. BUZZ
OK. Right, royal’s really sticking out
there. So is fan. Verdict. Right, final verdict, um… ..guilty verdict. Split verdict. Split verdict… Let’s try split… Um, committed bachelor, The Bachelor. Bachelors. Yes. Oh… THEY CONFER I think that’s a boat as well. So…
OK, yeah. Ketch, junk, clipper… BUZZ Ketch, clipper was a sailing boat. BUZZ Right…! So have we got the Chrises? So if you go… Rock, Pine, Evert… Right!, verdict. Well, there’s bits of… Don’t they have junk bond,
Royal Bond? Or Royal Mail, junk mail,
chainmail, fan mail. Get in! Haway.
You’ve solved the Wall! Very well done. I like how pleased
you are by that, and quite right! Now, what about the connections,
tell me about the first group. Xebec, Clipper, hoy, ketch. They are sailboats. They are all boats.
Yes, hoy you didn’t quite see. You kept putting it into
other groups. It’s a small coastal sailing vessel,
or a barge. But you knew the Xebec? Yeah. What kind of boat is that?
Haven’t a clue. Sailing vessel! A small, three-masted
Mediterranean sailing ship. They are all sailing vessels. And what about the green group –
Rock, Jericho, Pine, Evert? They’re Chrises.
They are all Chrises. Yes, that’s where
you kept putting hoy. And what about this next one –
junk, chain, fan, Royal? Mail, they can all precede mail.
They can all be followed by mail. Junk mail, chainmail,
fan mail, Royal Mail. And what about
this turquoise group – bachelor, Caravel,
chandelier, verdict? Yeah, sorry to interrupt.
There’s… There are… ..composers hidden in there. Bach, Ravel, Handel
and somebody else. Verdi. Verdi! Very well found. Composers are
nestling within those words. You just saw it at
the last minute there. So that is four more points
for the connections, a bonus of two for getting
it all right. That is the maximum of 10. Let’s bring in the Detectives,
give them the other wall, the Lion wall,
and see how they get on. You have two and a half minutes
to address this Lion wall starting…now. THEY CONFER OK, so we get the perfect sphere… ..and oblate sphere, complex… Primate, maybe. BUZZ BUZZ
Birds, there are sea birds? Booby, loon… What else is a sea bird? Not many. That might be. Cardinal might be. BUZZ
OK, but you’ve got bishop, primate, cardinal…prior. And Abbot. So…
Take out Bishop next time. BUZZ
Take out Bishop. BUZZ
Another one? Numbers – perfect number, irrational number, complex number, real number. There we go. OK… THEY CONFER So that could be in there. Maybe another bird. BUZZ
Prior bird? Long?
BUZZ BUZZ Not certain about cardinal. BUZZ OK, do we have any more? BUZZ
Have we got any more? BUZZ THEY CONFER THEY CONFER Wicketkeepers, yes. Wicketkeeper… Long? No. BUZZ No. Red herring. OK… Let’s look for the other ones… Are there any other mistakes or errors? BUZZ Go for the church ones again,
but actually try… No, it’s prior. BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ
Oblate sphere. What else was I thinking of? Try, cos there’s nothing else. No. That could be a word one. Yeah. Oblate… Mate. That’s it, your time is up,
but you found a group, and what is the connection? Perfect, irrational, real, complex. They’re numbers.
They are all numbers. You can still get points for the connections in the groups
you didn’t find. So let’s resolve the wall. There we go.
cardinal, bishop, loon, booby. Are they birds? They are birds. I think you got distracted
by sea birds, but they’re not all sea birds. A couple of them are,
but just birds in general. And the next group –
abbot, prior, oblate, primate? These are religious ranks. Well,
they’re religious occupations. The oblate is actually a layperson that works in a monastery, but I’ll give it to you because
they are religious occupations. And the last group –
Long, French, Brand, Porter. I can’t give you long. No.
You don’t know? Disc jockeys. Disc jockeys? No. They are comedians. Josie Long, Dawn French, Jo Brand –
or Katy Brand – Lucy Porter. Those women are all comedians. You found one group and you got three connections.
That is a total of four. Let’s have a look at the scores
going into the final round. So the longboat just noses ahead
of the unmarked police car as we race to the finish in Round
Four, the missing vowels round. Fingers on buzzers, teams. I can tell you that
the first group are all trios. Vikings. The Beverley Sisters. Correct. Detectives. Charlie’s Angels. Correct. Vikings. The Three Little Pigs. Correct. Detectives. The Bee Gees. Yes, it is. Next category –
events and their months. Detectives. Halloween and October. Correct. Vikings. Easter Sunday and March or April. Very well done. Detectives. Groundhog Day and February. Correct. Vikings. Groundhog Day and February.
Well done. Next category –
works by Michelangelo. Detectives. Statue of David. Correct. Vikings. The Creation of Adam. Yes, it is. Detectives. Pieta. Correct. Detectives. The Last Judgement. Correct. Next category –
non-cricketing fielding positions. Vikings. Freudian slip. Well spotted. Vikings. Insurance cover. END-OF-ROUND JINGLE Yes, it is insurance cover.
My heart is beating. What an amazing Round Four.
Well done, everybody. But it’s finished,
and the winners by one point, having 23 and through to
the semifinals, are the Vikings. Finishing on 22, the Detectives. So close! You quizzed brilliantly
but just missed. I’m so sorry, you’re going home. And Vikings, haway!
You made it to the semifinal. Very, very well done.
We will be seeing you again. Join me next time for
a new Only Connect. Or we’ll just play a repeat
from series four. I mean, it’s not like anyone
remembers these questions. I’m joking. I know you remember
ALL the questions. Goodbye.

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  1. One of the music clues was the same as a music question on University Challenge today. Weird, and weirder that I noticed.

  2. So am I being really dense not knowing which film features an athlete, a brain, a basket case, a princess and a criminal?

  3. BTW, how could you respond to the question "What has been the best bit so far?" other than to answer "the lovely hostess"??

  4. Something feels so impure that the Vikings won by getting the answer the other team got… but still a fantastic episode with two solid teams.

  5. Oh how irate I can get if on the wall they got a group of five, try two, three, even four combinations, and don't go all the way.

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