The President Thinks He Runs Fox News


SO, TRUMP WON’T COME OUT AND
CONDEMN ANTI-MUSLIM TERRORISM OR WHITE SUPREMACY OR MENTION THAT
IT’S ON THE RISE, BUT THERE IS ONE THING THAT ENRAGED HIM THIS
WEEKEND: EVERYTHING ELSE. IN A TWELVE HOUR PERIOD ON
SUNDAY, HE HAD 29 TWEETS. HE MIGHT HAVE CARPAL THUMBAL. ( LAUGHTER )
OR A MENTAL ILLNESS. ( LAUGHTER )
OR A NEED TO DISTRACT US FROM SOMETHING ELSE MORE MUELLER-Y. ( LAUGHTER )
ONE THING HE WAS UPSET ABOUT WAS THE SIDELINING OF FOX NEWS HOST
AND VANNA WHITE’S EVIL TWIN, JUDGE JEANINE PIRRO. LAST WEEK, PIRRO SAID THIS ABOUT
MINNESOTA CONGRESSWOMAN, ILHAN OMAR.>>THINK ABOUT IT. OMAR WEARS A HIJAB. IS HER ADHERENCE TO THIS ISLAMIC
DOCTRINE INDICATIVE OF HER ADHERENCE TO SHARIA LAW, WHICH
IN ITSELF IS ANTITHETICAL TO THE U.S. CONSTITUTION?>>STEPHEN: NO. ALSO, IT’S NOT PRONOUNCED
HEE-JAB, YOU ROSS-IST. ( LAUGHTER )
DID I MISPRONOUNCE THAT? DID I MISPRONOUNCE THAT? DID I PRONOUNCE THAT CORRECTLY? ( LAUGHTER )
IN A STATEMENT, FOX NEWS CONDEMNED THE JUDGE, SAYING,
MS. PIRRO’S REMARKS “DO NOT REFLECT THOSE OF THE NETWORK.” ADDING, “WE REMINDED HER, WE’RE
DOING MEXICANS THIS WEEK.” ( LAUGHTER )
BUT FOX NEWS DID PULL HER SHOW ON SATURDAY, AND TRUMP WAS NOT
PLEASED: “BRING BACK @JUDGEJEANINE PIRRO. THE RADICAL LEFT DEMOCRATS,
WORKING CLOSELY WITH THEIR BELOVED PARTNER, THE FAKE NEWS
MEDIA, IS USING EVERY TRICK IN THE BOOK TO SILENCE A MAJORITY
OF OUR COUNTRY. THEY HAVE ALL OUT CAMPAIGNS
AGAINST @FOXNEWS HOSTS WHO ARE DOING TOO WELL.” YES, THE RADICAL LEFT AND THE
MAINSTREAM MEDIA HATCHED A DEVIOUS PLOT TO MAKE JEANINE
PIRRO SOUND LIKE A BIGOT. HERE’S HOW THEY DID IT: THEY
POINTED A CAMERA AT HER. ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>>Jon: JUST AS SIMPLE AS
THAT.>>Stephen: TRUMP WASN’T JUST
DISAPPOINTED BY FOX. HE WAS MAD AT ALL THE CHANNELS. “IT’S TRULY INCREDIBLE THAT
SHOWS LIKE SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, NOT FUNNY-SLASH-NO TALENT, CAN
SPEND ALL OF THEIR TIME KNOCKING THE SAME PERSON– ME– OVER &
OVER, WITHOUT SO MUCH OF A MENTION OF “THE OTHER SIDE.” HE IS RIGHT “SNL”
ATTACKED HIM “OVER AND OVER,” CONSIDERING THE EPISODE THAT
AIRED THIS WEEKEND WAS A RERUN. ( LAUGHTER )
“THAT SNL EPISODE WAS NOT FUNNY, AND ALSO, THEY DID ALL THE SAME
JOKES AS A FEW WEEKS AGO. WORD FOR WORD. THE ONLY THING THAT WAS FRESH
WAS THE COMMERCIALS. THAT GECKO IS MY FAVORITE SNL
CAST MEMBER! I HEAR THE GECKO IS DATING KATE
BECKINSALE.” ( LAUGHTER )
TRUMP CONTINUED, “LIKE AN ADVERTISEMENT WITHOUT
CONSEQUENCES. SAME WITH LATE NIGHT SHOWS
DOT-DOT-DOT-DOT-DOT-DOT DOT-DOT-DOT-DOT. SHOULD FEDERAL ELECTION
COMMISSION AND/OR FCC LOOK INTO THIS? THERE MUST BE COLLUSION WITH THE
DEMOCRATS AND, OF COURSE, RUSSIA!”
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) LATE NIGHT SHOWS COLLUDING WITH
RUSSIA? THAT IS INSANE AND COMPLETELY
PARANOID. THIS IS EMERGENCY MESSAGE TO
MOSCOW COMEDY COMMISSARIAT ( LAUGHTER )
PRESIDENT TRUMP HAS UNCOVERED OUR COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL. PLEASE SEND INSTRUCTIONS, AND
MORE DELICIOUS TURNIPS. MMM! YOU ARE MY ONE, TRUE LOVE.

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