Unlikely things to hear in a survival show | Mock The Week – BBC


Unlikely Things To Hear in a Survival Show. No, everyone’s dead. I just love sleeping
under the stars. Pavarotti was a bit tricky, though. He was massive. Night time and most
of the gang are enjoying a grilled fish. Nigel the vegan is still foraging for falafel. Now, these worms are actually edible and are
a really good source of protein. Yet Brian still refuses to go down on me until I’ve
seen a doctor. You can survive this. Just barricade yourself
in the house, board all the windows, don’t answer any questions and in four weeks you’ll
be prime minister. Ben is all alone. He’s fallen down a ravine and has no choice
but to saw his arm off with a penknife while the camera crew watch him. And this is the
last episode of Survivor because we’ve eaten Bear Grylls. Three years I’ve been on this island with
nothing to look at but the sea and the sand and that bridge. Under these conditions, you’ve
got to sacrifice some creature comforts. Sometimes you wake up in the morning and know
that the first thing you’ve got to do that day is put on wet socks. But you know, you’ve
got to wank into something. I’m here to teach you the essentials of bushcraft. You’ll need a sharp blade, a mirror and some
diamante pearls for the vajazzle. All you have to do is put a little string on the caterpillar’s
head and wait a couple of months – you’ve got a lovely little kite. You can tell when the rare Irish bullfrog
is ready to mate by its distinctive buzzing sound. There it is. Dave is on the beach, catching
crabs off of Tracy. Welcome back to Love Island. There is no food here, and there is no medicine.
But we had a referendum and now we just have to get on with it. Remember, the duck’s natural predator is the
pancake. Well, tonight I’ll be eating in the bush…
which is a first for me. You don’t understand, man, it was the biggest barbecue ever. They had bear grills. In these icy conditions your tongue can get
stuck to things. That’s the last time I kiss Bear Gryll’s arse. I am standing very still,
because over 30 feet away there’s a huge water buffalo… and he’s painting my picture.

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Comments

  1. Milton’s first joke is actually commentary about next year also 0:59 is Outnumbered’s alternate ending

  2. 🤗WHOEVER IS READING THIS, I hope you have a peaceful day🤗 (Please don't click on my face. I'm a germaphobe.)

  3. Don’t get why people are complaining about the women. I thought they were pretty funny and even if you didn’t find them funny they hardly said anything.

  4. I know people are annoyed at the ‘anti female comedian brigade’ but all of the jokes made by female comedians on this were just crude sex jokes with no thought put into them at all

  5. Maybe it's just my sense of humour but Hugh is nearly always the best one at these. And he was again here.

  6. I cannot stand Milton Jones. I have no idea why people find him funny. Thank goodness for Sky+ and the fast forward button!

  7. Unlikely things to hear on the bbc… Free over 75 licences… We love brexit no deal…boris wonderful… Corbyn is a marxist lunatic… White straight men are brilliant…

  8. Huh a Mock the Week video in my recommended, it's been so long since I watched the show.
    Only laughs at Ed Byrne and Hugh Dennis
    Oh yeah, that's why…

  9. Just not funny anymore.

    Far too left.
    Too ‘safe’.

    I remember when Boyle was tearing the place to pieces.
    M Jones, Ed and Hugh can be funny, but there’s no real edge anymore.

    Just middle of the road comedy.

  10. "It's been 4 hours since we've all left them on the island and-oh no, they're all fighting and it looks like several bears are sneaking up on them and- Uh oh….."

  11. UK !! BE ALLOWING TOMMY ROBINSON GO TO JAIL HAS SCHOWS THAT YOUR CHILDREN HAVE NO FUTURE ## BBC – FAKE NEWS

  12. One, one thousand, two, one thousand, three, one thousand. Olly olly oxen free, oh you’re right there.

  13. Milton’s unbelievably funny, but that last joke buffalo painting his picture killed me 😂😂😂😂

  14. It’s already been five games in the National Football League, and already one team is reigned superior due to favoritism. But the question is when are the patriots going onto Super Bowl 54 already?

  15. I’ve been living near Broadway surviving on the streets because of School of Rock not being on Broadway anymore. So it looks like I’ll have to do what my family and everyone else wants me to do, and go see hamilton.

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