Why The Right Is So Dishonest About American History – Some News (Thanksgiving, Football)


– Here’s some news, America’s having a
reasoned, healthy debate about the cause of the Civil War. The year now is 1866 and the losing enemy, the Confederacy, was, what, what’s? No, couldn’t be 2017, that’s this year. Oh, yes, I see. Here’s some old news, the Civil
War was caused by slavery. And here’s some news: the
president, the chief of staff, press secretary, and a large
portion of the population seems to think it wasn’t. We as a nation are having a crisis of both fake news and fake history relitigating the Civil War,
defending Christopher Columbus, downplaying the genocide
of Native Americans and taking of their lands and it’s bizarre. And Thanksgiving is coming up so we thought it would
be a good opportunity to get into our country’s history of war, racism, genocide, and (bleep) football. But first we have to back up, because in 2017 we need to relitigate
all of documented history in order to discuss simple topics. For example, whenever
Columbus Day rolls around many point out that Christopher
Columbus was actually an idiot and dumb dumb who
didn’t actually discover America or prove the Earth was round, thought the planet was smaller than everyone else said it was, turned out to be wrong, then abused and enslaved the natives for the purposes of acquiring
gold from their land and those are just the facts. And that should be the
end of it, you’d think. Okay, Christopher
Columbus was a savage man who didn’t discover North America, didn’t prove the earth was round, did enslave and brutalize
the nice people he found. There are journal entries
literally from him describing the natives being
kind and bringing them things, having no knowledge of guns
so they’d be easy to enslave, and then he went back to Spain to get more ships to load up with slaves and then brutally forced
others to mine for gold. On his face and in his skull, Christopher Columbus isn’t worth taking a whole day to celebrate and that’s it. We’re done? Apparently not, because every Columbus Day the right tends to point out other general sort-of half truths about, generally Native Americans
or history, in general, to dismiss the idea that
(bleep) Christopher Columbus in videos called Thanksgiving:
A Politically Incorrect Guide which is a weird way
to spell Historically. Instead of talking about
Christopher Columbus of Columbus Day fame,
his actions in the 1490s, he hear things like so,
you think Native Americans were peaceful until Columbus showed up? Tell me again about
scalping and cannibalism. Okay, come with me on a
world of the imagination, use your imaginer, ’cause, sorry, I thought
we were talking about Christopher Columbus,
of Columbus Day fame, and his actions around 1492, but, okay, okay, okay, fine, various Native Americans
scalped their enemies from before 1492 to after 1492 and colonials offered bounties
for scalps in the 1600s, but to be fair, at first
the bounties were for heads. In 1756 Pennsylvania passed
the Scalp Act for scalps, Confederate guerrillas scalped Union soldiers in the Civil War. Oh, right, the Civil War,
we’ll talk about that, but anyway, some tribes participated in cannibalism of their fallen enemies and other tribes thought
it was a real gross no-no. But again, what does that
have to do with Columbus Day? Don’t know, but hey, aside from Native Americans
being brutally violent, the most brutally violent
of everybody, from anywhere, they were also technologically regressive and didn’t even use the wheel. Happy hashtag Columbus Day. Well, first of all, regressive means they were
becoming less advanced, not that they weren’t
as advanced as others, so nice try, wordwise. But some of them did invent a wheel. They just didn’t use them for hauling because they hadn’t
domesticated draft animals yet and also Europeans
didn’t invent the wheel, Sumerians did and then the concept spread
across the continents over the next thousands of years. There’s this idea of
Native American savagery and settler superiority that
perhaps can be best summed up by a video from Ben Shapiro’s
website the Daily Wire, the video has since been removed, but it depicted the Native Americans as all violent savages and cannibals until Christopher Columbus arrived and kindly introduced
them to eating utensils, which they already had, taught them how to build things, taught them how to cultivate corn, which is the opposite of what happened, so we should celebrate Columbus Day because Native Americans
contributed nothing, like, for example, the
cultivation of corn, the industry of which made
$63 billion dollars in 2014. Shapiro claimed the video was satire, which, no, unless you were making fun of what you actually
think about Columbus Day because it’s just a slight exaggeration of what these arguments always are. After removing the satire video Ben clarified that Columbus
Day is worth celebrating. Despite some awful wrongs, Western Civilization’s
cultivation of the Americas is a historical good. Which is literally unknowable. It’s the civil, facts don’t
care about your feelings, of Ayn Rand’s, any white person who brought
the element of civilization had the right to take over this continent. It’s the not explicitly erasist version of Richard Spencer’s: – The video lists off all of
the things white people did after Christopher Columbus
discovered America like written language,
mathematics, and philosophy and, broadly, books, despite the Native
American’s written languages, and their almanacs, which were invented thousands of years before Europeans invented almanacs. Other post-Columbus
contributions are medicine, even though Native Americans
invented the syringe and had medicine, and had anesthetics, which the West didn’t have
until the mid 18th century. They contributed not-scalping, which we’ve already covered, and football, which we’ll cover. But, also, Native Americans
invented lacrosse. And they say horses as if there were horses in North America, there weren’t. So when all is said and done, a little in column A, a
little in column racist. Also, if we’re really talking
influence and innovation that contributed to the historical good, the American government was heavily based off of the Iroquois Confederacy. In 1988 the US Senate
acknowledged the confederation of the original thirteen
colonies into one republic was influenced by the
Iroquois Confederacy, as were many of the democratic principles which were incorporated into
the Constitution itself. So, instead of debunking the myth that settlers from the Mayflower gave the natives diseased blankets, while ignoring the fact that
colonial officers in the 1700s literally wrote about
giving diseased blankets to natives for the desired
effect of killing them, it would be so much easier to admit that Christopher Columbus (bleep) sucked. And that celebrating him is like the aliens in Independence
Day arriving in a planet with lesser technology and
some better technology, and various factions with some uncivilized and brutal behavior, giving 90% of us a deadly cold, partly by accident, and
then mostly on purpose, slaughtering most of the rest of us and then celebrating
Goo-Tentacled Mothership Day instead of Human Day to remember and pay respect to the victims and cultures and civilizations lost to their terrible atrocities. Maybe it’s just more respectful and historically and intellectually honest to just call Columbus Day
Indigenous Peoples’ Day, to actually educate about our history. – How. Trigger warning. – And be honest about the gray areas. Then maybe alt-right journalists with White House press passes like Gateway Pundit’s Lucian Wintrich, or, Petty Joke Junction, Toby Maguire’s cameo as
Harry Potter in Twilight, maybe he’ll pause and think before tweeting
picture of a family giving the finger to Mt.
Rushmore while complaining about all these immigrants
coming into our country, taking our stuff, and
then insulting our history only to hopefully, at some
point, realize that, oh, those are Native Americans
flipping off Mt. Rushmore, a Lakota mountain called Six Grandfathers, renamed after a lawyer from New York and then carved with figures representing, among other things, the taking of native lands the depletion of the native people. I’m not gonna say this was racist, but it did have to do with the something of their skin. Can we get the president
to weigh in on this? – They don’t look like Indians to me. – Good quote from the president. And it took us way too long to arrive at Columbus sucks and all
your arguments against that have nothing to do with him and are also pretty
inaccurate and disingenuous, so hey, happy Disingenuous People’s Day. It’s 2017 and the Civil War started because of lack of compromise, despite there literally being compromises with compromise in the name. And also those compromises
were about slavery, which people say the
Civil War wasn’t about, but of course it (bleep) was. The vice president of the confederacy literally said in a speech, our new government is founded
upon exactly this idea, its foundations are laid, its cornerstone rests upon the great truth that the negro is not
equal to the white man; that slavery, subordination
to the superior race, is his natural and normal condition, This, our new government, is the first, in the history of the world, based upon this great physical, philosophical, and moral truth. The truth being, Civil
War was about slavery. Robert E. Lee was a traitor to America, so statues of him are dumb. Sure, some that-guy-from-earlier might say anyone with even a remote
sense of military history knows what a brilliant general Lee was, except no, he lost. And that has nothing to do
with him being a traitor who fought for slavery. Ah, that Hitler sure could give a speech. Let’s give him statues. It’s all just, it’s disingenuous trash spouted by liars and, yeah, racists. How is this a conversation
we’re still having? This is old news. We’re taking the cue on the Civil War from Donald (bleep) Trump? At his golf course in Virginia there’s a plaque commemorating
the river of blood, which is a thing he made up about battles that never happened and when confronted about it by historians he said, quote, how would they know that? Where were they? God, what a disaster. Thanksgiving’s coming up. I wanted to talk about football. So, okay, here’s a segment
we like to call Some Sports About Which I Know Quite a Bit and in Which I Participate Quite Well. Football is so in the news, you guys. The president’s mad that players are protesting for racial justice, people are arguing if there
even is racial injustice, Papa John’s blamed the NFL protests for dwindling pizza sales, neo-Nazis claimed Papa John’s to be the official pizza of neo-Nazis and then Papa John asked neo-Nazis to please not buy their pizza. It’s (bleep) wild. It’s a wild year. But this isn’t an episode of Some News, it’s Some Old News. So here’s some old news,
football was invented because the Civil War ended and we were done exploring the frontier so we needed new ways for
young men to be violent. The similarities between war and football are pretty obvious, but it was a deliberate decision to keep alive the martial spirit. We needed a new way to
be tough, to be men, so football. First season of football ever Rutgers and Princeton
played each other 10 times. The second season they added a third team, Columbia University, which, fun story, currently named after
another word for America, Columbia, which is based
off of Christopher Columbus. Though the school was originally founded as King’s College for King George II, but it was changed after
the American Revolution against King George II’s son George, to reflect history and context. Anyway, football, born from American anxieties
about men becoming too soft, was also born from anxiety about race and how best to Americanize foreigners now that war and frontier times were over. One attempt was the Carlisle
Indian Industrial School started by Richard Henry Pratt, in order to take Native
Americans from their homes, strip them of their culture, and teach them how to be American. He often used the phrase kill the Indian, save the man. Though, to be fair, he did genuinely want to help them be accepted
by the rest of America. But, to be balanced,
he also had them beaten if they used their native language. Anyway again, Pratt formed a
football team at the school, the Carlisle Indians. And they were so incredible and innovative they made the game more popular, have the best winning percentage of any defunct college team, invented trick plays that
eventually had to be prohibited, invented the play-action pass, and invented the overhand spiral throw, also known as throwing the football. So maybe Native Americans actually did kind of invent football. Speaking of football,
head and body injuries, so many, in fact, and deaths,
in the early 20th century that the president at the time stepped in to institute safety
regulations and rule changes to try to save lives. Though he did write that he
would not emasculate football. Teddy Roosevelt was very
concerned about American manhood, which is why he so strongly supported the start of the Boy Scouts of America. Do we have a clip of a
president being a man in front of the Boy Scouts of America? – Do you remember that incredible night with the maps? And the Republicans are red and the Democrats are blue and that map was so
red it was unbelievable and they didn’t know what to say. – Didn’t think so. But football is about
preserving masculinity, with non of that femme prancing around. Do we have a clip of the president wishing football was more
violent and dangerous? – Today if you hit too hard, right, they hit too hard, 15 yards,
throw him out of the game. They’re ruining the game. – Thought so. That’s right, the president is
very obsessed with football. Tweets about it a lot. Twitter, by the way, not
invented by Native Americans, so we should celebrate Columbus Day. But, yeah, the president
is pretty obsessed with yelling at football players for kneeling during the National Anthem. After former NFL quarterback, and current blackballed
former NFL quarterback, Colin Kaepernick began protesting to bring attention to racial injustice and to think, an athlete, protesting. Imagine. And whether or not you
agree with Kaepernick, he certainly has the right to protest. As do the other players. But it’s being framed as
disrespecting the flag, even though this country
was built on protest and the freedom to protest. And the Flag Code says that you shouldn’t put the flag horizontally or use it in advertisements or put it on disposable
things like napkins or wear it as a costume. And sure, the American Legion says you can wear articles of clothing that are red, white, and
blue with stars and stripes, but it doesn’t say a costume. And in 1989 congress revised
the definition of the US flag to include a US flag, or any part thereof, made of any substance, of any size, in a form that is commonly displayed. The flag should never
be used as a receptacle for receiving, holding,
carrying, or delivering anything. And the president needs to be reminded to put his hand on his heart
during the National Anthem and hugs the flag, because when you’re
famous they let you do it. He’s not a bastion of flag respecting. And also the Flag Code is
merely a set of guidelines and also, and I don’t think
the president knows this, because it’s on the last
page of the Flag Code, and, you know, pages, but the president can alter the rules for presenting the flag to
whatever the (bleep) he wants whenever the (bleep) he wants. And that’s true. Don’t tell ‘im. You know what’s disrespecting
the American flag at a sporting event? Confederate flags
everywhere, for (bleep) sake. In Germany they outlawed
Nazi symbols and gestures so sometimes Nazis in Germany fly the Confederate flag instead. I wonder why, for (bleep) sake. And actually, a year before
the Carlisle Indians formed, our precious Pledge of Allegiance was written by a
socialist, Francis Bellamy, who’s also severely
racist, anti-immigration and worried that mingling
with certain races would lower America’s racial standards, but anyhoo, before World War II we didn’t put our hands over our hearts, we did what looks like a Nazi salute. So we stopped doing it. Well, a lot of us did. And instead we put our
hand over our heart. Well, most of the time. So maybe kneeling in protest
isn’t disrespecting the flag, but is it disrespecting the military? Well opinions among veterans
are pretty mixed on that. Some say yes, others
say the right to protest is one of the reasons they fight. When Kaepernick first started his protest he merely sat down during the anthem, but after talking about it with former Seahawk and
Green Beret Nate Boyer, they decided a better way to protest, while maintaining respect for the troops, was to kneel. But who knows, you know,
maybe five time draft dodger and proponent of using the military to go into Libya and take their oil, and also president, Donald
Trump, might know better. – There’s nobody bigger or
better at the military than I am. I am the most military based, and the most militaristic
person on your show. More about Isis than the
generals do, believe me. – You may not agree with
Black Lives Matter protests or Kaepernick, but he can do it. And just consider that
for hundreds of year black people were seen as subhuman and were slaves in America. And then they were
begrudgingly, via war, freed. And then laws were enacted
to segregate and opress them and then 100 years of that
institutional racism went by and then we passed the Civil Rights Act and Voting Rights Act and then, 52 years passed and it’s now and there’s no racism? Kaepernick’s protest
makes people uncomfortable ’cause race makes people uncomfortable. And Black Lives Matter protests make people uncomfortable. And the same was true during
the Civil Rights Movement, it’s why a lot of Confederate monuments went up during that period, out of spite. Here’s a political cartoon from those days depicting Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., conveniently labeled, saying I look forward to another
non-violent march tomorrow, but there’s broken stuff around him, which sounds familiar. Because 2017 doesn’t discriminate in terms of different
periods of American history, we have to keep reliving. People tell the NFL players
to just shut up about politics and play football. But they didn’t tell the president
to shut up about politics and build hotels and fire people on TV
for your entertainment. And athletics were meant to create leaders and train young men to manage the burden of carrying on
this country in the best way. So maybe it’s okay to look to them. People call the players
cowards for kneeling, but they’re lending their voice
to those who don’t have one about something they’re passionate about, to make things better in the face of threats from their boss and, literally, the
president of a country. And then they stand up and go play a game that causes brain damage
to 99% of its participants. At this point you might mention many of the greedy players’ high salaries which, fun story, got
significantly higher in the NFL after Donald Trump bought
a USFL team in the ’80s and offered NFL players more money to play for him at the USFL, but instead they Art of the Deal-ed him and took offers of even
more money in the NFL, then Trump tried to destroy the NFL by convincing the USFL to move
from the spring to the fall, defeating the entire purpose
of having a second league, and the USFL collapsed, sued the NFL, Trump brought in his own
lawyer, Harvey, quote, “He’s the greatest,” end quote, Myerson, who was later jailed for
a phony billing scheme. The USFL won $3, but only because anti-trust settlements are tripled. And then Trump was like, oh well, and moved on to focus on
casinos in Atlantic City, which also failed. Then a year or two went by and let’s see, called to bring back the death penalty for five young black men who
were proven to be not guilty, that’s probably relevant to
this conversation somehow, what’s the topic of this conversation? Football, Native Americans, Thanksgiving? Yeah, Happy Thanksgiving everybody! It’s almost time for the turkey pardon, a dumb tradition that started in 1989, the year Donald Trump called
to bring back the death penalty for five young black men who
were proven to be not guilty. The first official turkey pardon was by George H. W. Bush in ’89, but it was informally
begun by American hero, Ronald Reagan, who made a
joke about pardoning a turkey after being asked too much about whether or not he would pardon
Oliver North for crimes. Oh, if only we could live in the days when our president avoided
questions about crimes, and also probably has to pardon a lot of people he knows for crimes. So the turkey’s coming up, and maybe he’ll pardon it. Or maybe he’ll get rid of it, you know, that seems appropriate. He has a habit of showing up, (bleep) things up, then leaving. And who cares? Pardoning turkeys is dumb and based off of the president
avoiding important questions and maybe he’ll also
destroy the NFL, ultimately. And, honestly, that’s probably okay, there are a lot of reasons the NFL is bad, it’s just unfortunate that
the 2017 version of history says that the bad thing is this. Happy Thanksgiving. Gobble, gobble, which is, that’s what the turkey says.

About the author

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *