World War D: Damage Control Edition | The Daily Show


As we get closer and closer
to the primaries, all the Democratic candidates
are learning that while the beginning
of the race was fun and games, once you get into crunch time, people start digging
into your history. And this weekend,
everyone was talking about a confrontation
involving Joe Biden, the candidate
with the most history. Democratic front-runner
Joe Biden just got into it
with a local voter. Words were exchanged
and then a challenge. Fire away. You’re a damn liar, man. That’s not true,
and no one has ever said that. All right. You said I set up my son
to work in an oil company. Isn’t that what you said? Get your words straight, Jack. Look, fat, look,
here’s the deal. Here’s the deal. (audience groans) Whoa! Damn. That got testy. It was also a weird moment,
though, you have to admit. This guy said he was concerned that Biden might be too old
to run for president, and then instead of addressing
the man’s concerns, Biden challenged him
to push-ups? (laughter) You realize, Joe Biden,
this could have ended terribly. Because what if
that old man beat Biden? Hmm? Now he’s the Democratic
front-runner, right? Yeah, that’s how it works.
We’ve all watched Black Panther. If you beat the guy in charge,
you become the guy in charge. -That’s how it works.
-(cheering and applause) That’s how it works. Wouldn’t be push-ups. The old guy would have ripped up
his shirt like, “Is this your nominee?
Is this your nominee?” And then every one
of those old white people in the town hall would have
been there like, “Oh!” (laughter) And, like, I think this
is what shows you what’s wrong with American politics
right now. A candidate and a voter should
never be calling each other fat and old, all right? They should be calling
each other’s mamas fat and old. Let’s keep things civilized,
people. But while Biden is fighting off
corruption allegations and challenging voters to meet
him out in the parking lot, his great-great-great-grandson
Pete Buttigieg is dealing with a controversy
about a lack of transparency. You see,
a lot of people were concerned that Buttigieg
wasn’t allowing the press to attend
his fundraising events, but when he was asked
about the issue, Buttigieg couldn’t even pretend
to give a shit. Buttigieg is doing
a little bit better. He’s getting more attention. He says he will think
about opening his fundraisers, and he had a tart response
on Friday to reporters who asked when
he’ll make that decision. What’s that? Yes. What’s that? There are a lot
of considerations, and I’m thinking about it. WOMAN:
Last question. No. Thank you. (laughter) Damn! Looks like someone
started growing chest hair. Oh! You know, I know we always joke about Buttigieg
looking like he’s 15, but in that press conference, he was acting like a teenager,
too, right? It was just like that moment.
“Did you do your homework?” “Yes.” “Do you have it?” “Yeah.” “Can I see it?” “No.” (laughter) Now, Buttigieg might have been
all gangster at the podium, but the backlash to this
was so swift that he and his team
had to announce today that they will now be opening up
his fundraisers to the press. And one thing Buttigieg did
that was really slick was that he took
his transparency issues and tried to turn them around
on one of his opponents. NEWSWOMAN:
Buttigieg’s campaign has also been calling
on Elizabeth Warren to release her tax returns
from before 2008 during her time
as a corporate lawyer. Last night, she did, revealing that she made
nearly $2 million from private legal work
since 1986. $2 million? I knew it! Elizabeth Warren’s out here
acting all folksy, but it turns out this whole time
she had a job? (laughter) ‘Cause that’s what’s funny
about this story. No, if you read it,
the headlines make it sound like Elizabeth Warren
was balling out of control, but, in reality,
she earned $2 million over 30 years. Yeah. Which averages out
to a modest $60,000 a year. That is the complete opposite
of balling. At $60,000 a year, you aren’t
popping champagne in the club. You’re carefully removing
the cork, pouring it into a glass
and then saving the rest for the time
you come back to the club. (laughter and applause) So, that’s a quick update of what’s happening
in the Democratic race. And you know what’s funny
about this whole thing for me? The Democrats are trying so hard to defend even the smallest
skeletons in their closet. Meanwhile, Trump’s
rolling through the streets with a squad of skeletons like,
“These aren’t skeletons. “These are just skinny people. And if you don’t believe me,
you can do push-ups.”

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