Xenonion News: The Latest Headlines From Your Cluster


//Commence Captioning [countdown sequence with some mild beeping] [catchy news jingle] All the latest news from your cluster Human president Jeffrey Rossario faces corruption charges over claims he inappropriately spent influence It’s day 538 in the search for the missing space amoeba, Bubbles And a new study suggests we’re all just helpless pawns, trapped inside a computer simulation All this and more, coming up You’re watching Xenonion News Broadcasting live from the ISS Xenonion Deep Space Black Site, to wherever you think you are right now With Unity Albright on the news desk Lurgg The Impaler on sports And Cindy, in the 24/7/365 Weather Sentry Array Good evening, you’re watching Xenonion News, I’m Unity Albright We start tonight with some breaking news out of the Zantaris System Where galactic diplomats are scrambling to minimise damage After a one-planet minor accidentally insulted a fallen empire The insult to the Vroth Combine A notoriously aggressive stagnant ascendency Was issued from high nest, the only planet of the newly formed Caawian cooperative An Avian bureaucracy that discovered FTL 2 months ago For more we’re now joined by Xenonion political correspondent Hask Kalass and Caawian representative, tasty looking bird Evening to you both Hask, starting with you, what’s happened here? Well Unity, the Caawian are one of the newest species to join the galactic community And it appears they didn’t realise the Vroth were a Fallen Empire One govt. official tweeted how they initially thought the Vroth were a pre-sapient reptialian species and issued an insult accordingly Upon realising their mistake the Caawians tried to apologise diplomatically but were hindered after discovering the Galactic UN banned embassies last year Caawian leader Supreme Coo also attempted to ease tensions by holding a public press conference but that was cut short after he became distracted by a shiny object and began furiously pecking at it and delicious looking bird, what is the Caawian position on this? We have made a grave error, and on behalf of all of my species I sincerely apologise to the Vroth. These are certainly concerning times and the geo-political situation in our region of space has never been more tense. I hope through establishing a dialogue we can relay that this was all a misunderstanding and that in time we can be forgiven for our actions. We would also be happy to sacrifice a select, delicious, sub-section of our population as a peace offering to the Vroth, if they so choose. I go especially well with white wine. I see… well thank you both for your insightful analysis The Vroth have not yet responded to the insult, but unconfirmed reports have begun to filter through that several of their 200k battleship fleets have begun to amass outside of Caawian borders Supreme Coo has attempted to quell panic by reassuring pops living on High Nest that he is confident the Cooperative’s five corvettes will keep them safe We’ll have more on this story as it breaks If you’re joining us by>you can watch a more detailed report by>Likewise If you’re joining us by the Shroud then you shouldn’t be needing to read this, should you? We’re going to take a short break right now but when we come back, we’ll be asking is the galaxy about to run out of tileblockers? //End — Captioning by Xenonion Interstellar Translation Service [XITS]

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Comments

  1. Oh my god, I can't believe nobody's doing anything about that! I mean, a tiny nation is about to be attacked by a FALLEN EMPIRE, for crying out loud! I guess all they care about is their goddamn volatile motes.

  2. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! This is one of the best Stellaris video I have ever seen …. also be sure to put the caption for the translation of the Caawian representative (man, I thought that bird would never shut up, such a long speech!) 😛

    Keep up the good work 😉

  3. "Hey, Xenophiles

    If you love aliens so much why don't you go get assimilated by a hivemind?"

    – 𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒎𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒂𝒈𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒃𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒃𝒚 '𝑻𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑷𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒕 𝑪𝒐𝑴'

  4. I have a problem with connecting through the shroud. Usually I get in touch with a high priest correspondent, but this time he was busy with another link and I got accidentally linked with another xeno trying to do the same thing. We're now unable to sever the link and we need help plz 🙁

  5. If I had never played Stellaris and you told me this was a teaser for a Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy movie, frankly I would believe you

  6. "… he's confident the cooperative's 5 corvettes will keep them safe." I laughed harder than I should have at that one.

  7. The tileblocker problem is seriously affecting our pre-FTL culture. Before long there will be no canyons, volcanoes, or even any exotic animals outside of the few in captivity, all of them removed to make way for more infrastructure. What will happen next? Will our grandchildren not know what an ocean looks like when we siphon out all the water, just to make some more mines?

  8. It took me a while to understand the questline with the galaxy being a virtual reality simulation and it actually just being the video game itself.

  9. no one cares about tileblockers
    People that claim they do are just virtuesignaling. They'd never actually go there

  10. when you realize that you poked a fallen empire followed by…………..when you realized what a fallen empire can do =P

  11. 2:26
    "We have made a grave error and on behalf of my species I sincerely apologise to the Vroth. These are certainly concerning times and the geo-political situation in our region of space has never been more tense. I hope through establishing a dialogue we can relay that this was all a misunderstanding and that in time we can be forgiven for our actions. We would also be happy to sacrifice a select, delicious, sub-section of our population as a peace offering to the Vroth, if they so choose. I go especially well with white wine."

  12. awesome. only critique is that the idea we all live in a vr is current and not futuristic. in the future we will know that we live in a vr.

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